LONG STORY SHORT By Catsby  The humans have left me alone for a week—a whole week—to do some stupid rafting on some stupid river in some stupid canyon. Yes, fine, they left me with people who feed me and clean my poop box or whatever. But I’m bored. So I’m taking over my humans’ stupid newsletter. And you know what? They’ve been doing this newsletter all wrong. The Loud One* says she features our best stops in this newsletter, right? The thing is, she doesn’t even know what the best stops are. The Big One** is no better. He picks our campsites, and most of the time, he puts us somewhere naturey with lots of trees and space and nothing else—in other words, somewhere boring, because there’s nothing outside for me to watch. Well, I’ve already had my breakfast today, and I’ve got nothing better to do right now. So I’m going to correct my humans’ mistakes and tell you which stops really were the best. Until it’s lunchtime, anyway. Where have we been?Indiana Beach/Monticello KOA Holiday, Ind.  My humans have avoided KOA Campgrounds as if going to one would give them fleas. But thanks to some scary big weather, we ended up at one in Indiana—and it was the best. There were lots of people camping really close to us with no trees to block my view! Plus, my humans couldn’t use the campground’s internet because there were lots of people trying to use it, so they paid more attention to me. Clinton State Park, Kan.  Humans are my favorite thing to watch, but sometimes the naturey stuff isn’t so bad. In Kansas, my humans complained about the heat and humidity, but they should have been paying more attention to the moths. There were a zillion of them, and sometimes they snuck inside the trailer and I got to chase them. My hunting skills are top-notch, so I must have caught like a thousand during our stay. Home, Calif.  We never have to move our house, I always get fed on time, and there are big dogs outside to watch. I don’t see why the humans ever want to leave. Besides, it’s easier to get our errands done at home, and I can supervise a lot better when I’m not tired from all the driving. Where are we going next?In other news...What news could be more important than my humans abandoning me? My lunch isn’t here yet. I’m bored again. Leave me alone.  * Other humans call her “Kristine,” for some reason. I call her the Loud One because she yells at me when I do fun things that she doesn’t want me to do. (Also, yes, I can use footnotes. I’m a cat, not an idiot.)
** My other human, the taller one. Other humans call him “Jason,” whatever that means.
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